To Summer 2011

It's been great so far. I'm loaded with activities and I'm driving a car now. There have been some problems (like broken locks, gig schedules, band stuff, etc.), but I can handle them.

I'm glad that I get to start the summer without my braces. It's a great feeling having been free from a teeth-fence thing. Hahaha.

I prepared lots of movies to watch over the summer like The House Bunny, Rashomon, District 13 Ultimatum, Life of Brian, Zyzzyx Road, and Mystery Men. I am also trying to completely listen to the full discography of Foo Fighters.

The duration of this summer (compared to past summers) is that I only have 2 weeks to enjoy it and then I go back to college and get back to work on projects and papers. I want to make these 2 weeks of summer the best that it can be so that when I get back to college, my mind is ready to take in information.

One last thing to make my summer complete? Bike riding. I sure miss that.

Thanks for reading. Enjoy your day.

Carpe Diem

If you feel like I'm avoiding you...

I'm not, buddy...

I want you to learn how to become more independent. To become a stronger person in the future.

I'm just assuming this is what's going on in your head. I hope that I'm wrong.

Don't ever think of me as elusive. I'm here and you're there. I'm not yet ready to start anything yet, but if you need me I'll just be around. Most of the time.

Be stronger. A few more days and we'll be okay. I think.

Again, I'm just assuming this is what's going in your head buddy.

Please don't get offended if you find out and read this.

What's the point in looking for something that always gets away from me?

Recently, I noticed that every time I am in need of something, it's the thing I lose. Not only in material objects, but also the people I need at specific moments.

I recently had a fight with a friend and now I regret how shallow my thoughts were during the fight. I'm not good enough for the friendship she gives. I am too much of an opposite for her. She deserves better, as the cliché goes "It's not you, it's me."

The moment I lose her, I miss her. I miss how she starts every conversation, how she fakes a smile even when I know that she is in pain inside, how she treats me like I'm something really important... Why did I create selfish and shallow thoughts? I should have known better not to.

I'm not yet ready to apologize. I think an apology at this point is useless. All I can say is that I'll start things again with her eventually.

Yes, I believe I was hoping for something more than friends. But is it worth it? After all the trouble I caused, after all the things I could not do, after all the things I spoke, and after all the time I spent?

Now I'm in pain, lost, and I don't know who to approach. With her, I lose my problems. I strive to become someone successful, but she's even more successful than I. I can't do anything impressive as she is more knowledgeable than I am.

At this point, I don't know how I am able to clearly point out what's in my head. It's a mix of peanuts, salted and dry.

I should have known better. I should have stopped at the start.

I'm sorry. Let it be. Please forgive me.

I'm just scared, I'm unsure of everything else in the world. Except, of course, her. I was always sure I'm on good ground, standing with my two legs, feeling satisfied and calm with her.

Why do I even bother break something amazing like her friendship?

I'm not even sure how the title fits the message I'm trying to convey, but it is something that floats around my messed up mind.

Please give me time and I will be fine.

The Hug

Sometimes it’s the only thing that can make you feel sane. It gives off a certain feeling that warms and caress’ the torn emotion dwelling inside of you that corrupts even your beliefs. The simple joy of having assurance that someone is willing to stay, to be there for you, to care for you and you can witness the expression of Selfless love.